I was 16 when my stepmother and baby half-brother were killed in a car accident. My stepsisters were 10 and 8 at the time. They went to live with their father full-time, and the last time I saw them was at the funeral. I had graduated and started looking for a job when my oldest stepsister contacted me over social media. We really hit it off, and I decided to relocate temporarily to their area (plus, it was cheaper and had great hiking opportunities).

Well, I think I am in over my head. The pair of them have had it rough. Their dad is indifferent and their stepmother obviously resents having to split the pie between them and her kids. My stepsisters swing between hot and cold with me. They are either very affectionate and grateful for the time and gifts I give them or they lash out. They both have accused my family (and me, by extension) of abandoning them after the deaths. My dad was in a dark place and went no contact with everyone, even me, after the funerals. He started drinking again, and it wasn't good. My grandmother and aunts made repeated attempts to stay in touch and were rebuffed (they sent gifts and cards, and they were returned to sender).

I am struggling with guilt and resentment about being made feel guilty. My oldest stepsister isn't doing well in school and has commented about dropping out and moving in with me. My lease is up in December and my mom is telling me to come home. This is all too much. My dad says it has been 7 years and I need to let go. I don't know what to do here. It feels like leaving is abandoning them, but I am not equipped to handle this.

I think you know that you are not responsible for taking care of your stepsisters. It's wonderful that you want to be in their lives, and terrible what they've been through, but if you don't feel like you can be the support system they need, you have to be honest with yourself about that. If moving back with your mother is the best thing for you right now, then do it. But don't move just because of what's going on with your stepsisters. If you love the area and wish to stay, you can -- you just have to set appropriate boundaries for yourself.

Let your stepsisters know that you care about them but that you can't take responsibility for how the adults in your family behaved after the accident. You can be truthful about the fact that you feel somewhat overwhelmed by them at times and that you want to be there for them, but that you can only do so much. Hopefully, they'll be understanding and if not, then you may need to reconsider your relationship with them altogether.

Dear Care and Feeding,

My kid's class does "helper days," where they rotate through kids on a set rotation to be chosen.

If your kid is late on their day, then they lose the privilege and go to the bottom of the list. Today was a snow delay, and we were 9 minutes late to the delayed school day start, and 6 minutes late to their circle time -- not due to weather.

The teacher did state the policy upfront and claims that the kids need the routine. In the grand scheme of things, it is not a huge deal, but to a kindergartner, it definitely stings! Is it just me, or is this a weird policy? I don't agree with it, and it seems so early to have conversations explaining, "it is kind of unjust, but sometimes the rules are unjust." Sucks that kids (especially this young) would get punished for their parent's lack of time management or extenuating circumstances!

We actually discussed your question on the December 19 episode of the Care and Feeding podcast, so feel free to check that out! I agree with you that it's cruel to punish children for the tardiness of their parents, but it is worth considering that some kids are the reason they're late for school themselves. Also, your kid does have to learn the importance of being on time. If I were you, I would ask the teacher to consider amending the rule; what if, instead of being sent to the bottom of the list, tardy kids could be the helper if they're on time the following day? To me, that seems fairer, but I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to keep things as is.

You didn't say why you weren't able to get your kid to school on time, but I'm not assuming it was for a frivolous reason. I went through a year's long period of depression in which my daughter was significantly late to day care every single day. I simply couldn't get out of bed on time. Maybe you're struggling with something, or perhaps you're just not very punctual. Whatever the cause, I would suggest doing everything in your power to be on time when your child's "Helper Day" comes around again. Set your alarm for an hour earlier, take breakfast to go, lay everyone's clothes out the night before.

Your child isn't too young for a conversation about the complicated nature of rules. It's okay to acknowledge that some rules seem unfair, or that at times, rules can make us upset. You can let them know that you don't think it's cool that they were sent to the bottom of the helper list, but make sure you also take responsibility for what happened. Apologize profusely for making them late, if you haven't, and do your absolute best to avoid that next time.

I've had to set boundaries with a couple of my long-term friendships in recent years, and it's led to the friendships ending. The problem is these former friends have kids that my kids (5 and 7) loved. One instance was over two years ago, so only my oldest noticed we weren't spending time with them anymore, so I told her that their mommy and I had a disagreement and decided it was best not to be friends, which happens sometimes, and that I was really, really sorry this happened. She brought it up again a few weeks later, and I said the same thing, then it tapered off.

Recently, this happened with another old friendship (I am in counseling, and this truly is a matter of setting boundaries. I have had to reevaluate friendships at this stage in my life and growth.. My kids are more aware now in general, and also really love the friend's kid. It's a harrowing thing for me personally, but I am heartbroken about how this "breakup" could affect my kids. I haven't said anything to them as they haven't noticed. What would be the most humane and child-centric way to talk to my kids about it?

Wait until your kids say something about not seeing this particular friend, and then gently explain to them that you and their mother have decided not to be friends anymore, and while you hate that this is going to hurt them, it's a choice you had to make. Let them know that sometimes, two people are not meant to be friends and that it's important that we only remain in relationships with people that we want to be around. If they push for more details, simply share that this person did not treat you the way you expect to be treated by a friend. Talk about the importance of boundaries and respect in their friendships. Acknowledge that it sucks that they can't see their friend anymore and allow them to grieve the relationship. Apologize for the pain your choice may cause them while continuing to affirm that it was necessary.